Covered In Shame
Most people feel trapped by their past. No matter where they go or what they accomplish, they still live in the shame of what they once did. This is not how God wants us to feel. He knows our past and desires to empower our future through it. We see this in the story of Saul in Acts 9.
On his way to Damascus in order to imprison Christians, Saul has a life-changing encounter with Jesus. After being convicted and blinded for his actions, Saul is told by Jesus to wait in the city for a man named Ananias. Through Ananias’ conversation with God, we learn two lessons about our past.
Your Past Will Always Follow You
“Lord,” Ananias answered, “I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your holy people in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name.”
The Lord sends Ananias to heal Saul from the blindness he received. Although Ananias never met Saul, he knows his reputation for persecuting Christians. This moves him to question God with feelings of surprise and contempt. Why should he risk his life to heal a man that’s boldly destroying God’s people? Ananias’ response to God shows that our past will follow us wherever we travel.
The Grace Of Failure
In my early 20s, I developed a nonprofit to help teens find a career in technology. I presented my idea to several community leaders and they were excited to see how my vision would change our community. After several failed attempts at starting, fear settled in and I stopped the project altogether.
Whenever I encounter someone today asking me how the company is going, I cannot help but slightly feel ashamed and regretful. With God’s grace, I can share my failures with them and express how they led me to my purpose of serving His people.
You may never escape your past but God can use it to propel your future. Whenever you feel ashamed, remember the lessons He taught you and use them to encourage others.
Your Past Doesn’t Cancel Your Destiny
But the Lord said to Ananias, “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.
God tells Ananias that despite everything Saul has done, he is chosen to preach the Gospels to nations. Saul lived most of his career persecuting God’s people. Now he finds himself proclaiming the very Gospel he fought against. While this may seem negative, what better person could God use to spread the Gospel than Saul?
As a former pharisee, Saul could show people that Jesus is the fulfillment of the law of Moses. As a convert, his life would serve as a demonstration of Jesus’ grace and power. Saul’s past did not cancel God’s destiny for his life but empowered him to achieve it.
Called To Serve
Before becoming a pastor, I spent hours talking with friends about how pastors should run their ministries. I judged their actions and condemned them if they went against my idea of leadership. At one point, I even outlined how I would serve others if the opportunity presented itself. Later that year, in the greatest of irony, God began calling me to ministry. Imagine my surprise.
This challenged me to address every standard I set for myself and I failed miserably. I quickly learned the pressure of handling the needs of a ministry while balancing your personal and professional life. I realized that everyone I serve would not like me neither would my decisions be favored. These early years allowed me to see the reality of leadership and become someone that empathizes with other ministry leaders and gives insight to aspiring ones.
God will sometimes put you in areas you once fought. In that space, He can use your past to reach people where you are and where you once were. You don’t have to feel unworthy or ashamed because He’s always with you.
Embracing The Future
God is able to build your future by using your past as the frame. He used Saul’s experience as a Pharisee to draw millions to Christ through his letters and ministry. He used my failures in business and disdain for Pastors as the driving force for empowering others. You no longer have to be ashamed of your past. Give it to God and watch the incredible things he can do.
